When The Lie Is Over: Separating From A Transgendered Spouse

Posted on: 11 March 2016


Nothing can prepare you for the shock of being confronted by a spouse that suddenly reveals that they have been assigned the wrong gender at birth and that they wish to live as a different gender.

Feelings of shock and betrayal are intermingled by the enormity of the deception, and may often lead to anger and a desire for revenge. This is not good for anyone involved, especially if their are children involved.

Why would a transgendered spouse deceive someone that they claim to love?

The primary deception for many transgendered individuals is self deception. When an individual is born, their genitalia automatically assigns them to a gender. Every fiber of your being may tell them otherwise, but social pressures and a desire for a "normal" life forces many transgendered individuals to suppress their natural feelings about their sexual identity.

Cultural shifts and recent public events have given new focus to the plight of individuals who feel that they were born with the wrong body, and with new acceptance came a lifting of suppression of gender identity and an unstoppable desire for some transgendered individuals to live as the gender with which they identify.

How to make a separation easier for everyone involved

If you are the spouse of a recently transgendered individual, you also have a choice in living a life that makes you happy. However, with understanding that your spouse was not being selfish or indulging a whim comes a need for maturity and acceptance.

This is paramount when dealing with your children from the marriage. Children are remarkably resilient, and will accept any variation in the definition of family and parents if they know that they are safe and loved, and if the children aren't used as weapons to punish spouses in the guise of "morality".

Divorce from a newly transgendered spouse

If your transgendered spouse has been faithful throughout the marriage, and isn't suddenly indulging in riskay behavior (both of which have nothing to do with their gender identity), then the divorce can proceed in an amicable division of assets and assignment of custodial and visitation rights to the children.

A divorce lawyer can be a great help to cover all the legal concerns while you deal with the psychological issues of the dissolution of your marriage.

If the transgendered spouse has betrayed the marriage in other ways, then they should be treated as any other unfaithful or irresponsible spouse. Find a good divorce attorney and protect your rights.

Assuming that maturity and love reigns supreme, you may find the your newly transgendered spouse may retain their role as your best friend and confidant, free of the constraints that a twist of nature and a repressed society had placed on your relationship. To learn more, contact a law firm like Grenadier, Starace, Duffett & Keisler, PC