Deciding To Split

Posted on: 16 March 2016

Some divorces go as smoothly as planned, while others tend to blow up in a big way. How can you tell which one yours is likely to be? Will your spouse stick to the agreement and allow you to have an uncontested divorce, or change his or her mind at the last minute? It really depends on circumstances and the relationship itself as well as your personalities. Here are some signs you may observe in the situation or relationship that could indicate that an amicable divorce isn't in the cards. 

1. You have a lot invested in the marriage

Since marriage is a partnership, you and your spouse have probably been working together toward your goals and probably don't have your assets split neatly down the middle. If you don't own two identical houses, for example, deciding who gets the house or who gets which house can quickly cause a situation to sour. And if you have children, the situation becomes even more difficult. Let's face it; even if your only children are identical twins, you probably won't want to divvy them up equally. You'll each want to spend as much time as possible with both of them. In these situations, it can be difficult or impossible to see both sides of the equation clearly enough to make a fair arrangement unless you have third-party arbitration. A mediator can provide a neutral point of view but doesn't have the authority you'll find in a courtroom, so if both sides don't agree to go along with what the mediator decides it may still be impossible to come to an agreement without litigation. 

2. The divorce isn't mutual

If you're the one who instigated the divorce and your spouse intends to fight or professes not to know why you want out, there could be a lot of hurt feelings all around. Or if your spouse started the proceedings and you have no idea what his or her plan is or what the reasons are, you could find yourself in an indefensible position and should find a lawyer as soon as possible. In any of these cases, the divorce is likely to come to court because if you and your spouse can't even agree on whether or not to get a divorce, you're not likely to come to a mutually beneficial agreement on your own.

3. Your spouse is an abuser 

If your spouse has a history of physically, mentally, or emotionally abusing you, you should not try to work out an agreement without a lawyer. You'll need a lawyer's authority and expertise to help you stand up for your rights and win a fair settlement in the face of any mind games your spouse will try to play. And if there is abuse in the situation, it's vital that you move out and take any children with you immediately. Ideally you should do this before starting the divorce proceedings, rather than waiting. Your safety and your children's safety should be the first consideration even before making divorce proceedings go smoothly.

These three issues can prevent an easy and amicable divorce, so if you're determined to get your divorce underway, examine your situation to see if any of these signs apply. If you recognize any of them from your life and relationship, it's a good idea to find a reputable and experienced divorce attorney in your area before you start the process.